Chamandia’s Famous Families

What’s Their Story?

At the reception there will be a picture of a distinguished founding family of Chamandia on your table. Sadly, the Chamandian library was besieged by invading Pacific Northwest tree octopi, and all records of their lives were destroyed.


Invading General Eight Legs McGee Fleeing to the Safety of His Watery Hole After Burning the National Library of Chamandia

In order to reclaim national resiliency after such a cultural travesty, and in the spirit of the call to arms that came from this conflict—”Chamandians never say octopi!”— we encourage our guests to consult with your tablemates and create a new history for these worthy citizens. Write this history in the “Leave a Reply” comment box at the bottom of this post so that other wedding guests may roister in their new knowledge of our fair nation.



One thought on “Chamandia’s Famous Families

  1. Table #13
    The History of Tunisia and Gorgo Zola
    Tunisia and Gorgo Zola had a very successful cheese business in Buena Vista, Virginia, Gorgo N. Zola, Cheese Proprietor. However, one particularly busy day, an unfortunate accident resulted in the loss of some fingers for both Tunisia and Gorgo while cutting the cheese. [The family photo taken later that year clearly shows the damage done to both of their hands. See one of the few photos remaining in the Chamandian Library after the invasion of the Pacific Northwest tree octopi.] Despite the ill-fated mishap, business was brisk and their cheese was so popular it was described as “finger lickin’ good!” That is, until the local health inspector discovered what the unreported ingredients in their cheese were – the Zola family had to sell the cheese factory and move further west to escape the growing scandal…Of special note is their later meeting with a Colonel in Kentucky who fell in so much in love with the slogan for their cheese business he later used it himself when opening…what else,..but a chicken restaurant.
    When crossing the Mighty Mississippi Tunisia and Gorgo Zola encountered a steamboat captain by the name of Kuykendall. Seizing the opportunity to shed their tainted past (at least until they could put some distance between themselves and their past,) they stole Captain Kuykendall’s identity… and chopped off his writing hand so he could never sign his name again, hoping in vain that they could use his fingers, if sewn onto their own hands. Unable to make an honest living any more, Kuykendall replaced his missing hand with a claw, and was forced to turn to a life of crime on the river… can you guess his name? [Note: I think we need a valid reason why they chopped off his hand, other than wanting to use his fingers.]
    Needing to move further westward (to put some distance between themselves and their misdeeds,) Tunisia and Gorgo Zola decided to turn over a new leaf and do a good deed: they met a gentleman farmer named Johnny Appleseed who said he needed a lift to the West Coast – Washington to be exact. They decided to give Johnny a ride to Washington where a magnificent partnership began. Johnny and the Zola’s established the first successful apple orchard for which the Washington territory would later become known.
    Tunisia and Gorgo settled down in Washington and it is here that their son, Dundee, was born. Dundee grew up to be a fine, courageous young man who snatched the town Mayor from the jaws of certain death by an escaped vicious circus crocodile. Mauled during the attack, “Crocodile Dundee”, as he later became know lost 3 fingers. A grateful Mayor rewarded Dundee by granting him 5,000 acres of the most beautiful land around.
    Crocodile Dundee, a most eligible, and now wealthy and attractive bachelor, met Ursula Seawitch. They wed and had 2 children: Charlotte and Amanda. Combining all of their names, the happy couple decided to name their property Chamandia . Out of love, respect, and devotion, Dundee and Ursula decided to bestow upon Tunisia and Gorgo the honorary titles of Founding Grande Duchess and Chancellor of the Republic of Chamandia (and also because it would make the grandparents happy and willing to babysit.)

    Ursula saw an untapped labor force in the local tree octopi population. She convinced the octopi to work in their apple orchards for what amounted to “small clams”. However, when Dundee traveled to Australia to study crocodiles, Ursula was unable to control the tree octopi, who were unhappy with their wages and labor conditions. The resulting rebellion of 1874, was later known as the “Western Octopi Overthrow Known Invasion Everywhere” (or W.O.O.K.I.E. for short). The Rebellion nearly eradicated all of the Chamandia Library, leaving only a few photos that would later be discovered by the current Grande Duchess and Chancellor of Chamandia. [Note: Not sure of the best place for this paragraph, or if the title and acronym for the rebellion could be improved. – Thoughts anyone?]

    Please note that any discrepancies in timing for Colonel Sanders, Johnny Appleseed and Iron Claw Kuykendall can be attributed to “writer’s license”.


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